What can a child can do at each age?

In order to plan talks, lessons and activities that are appropriate we need to know what children are capable of at each age. This is a huge subject.

We are going to look at a few key areas:

• SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT AND COMMUNICATION
• READING AND WRITING,
• AND FINALLY THINKING.

Before we look at those areas- let’s just consider for a moment about why it’s important to know what children are capable of: The big idea is that we need to keep on top of where children are at- because they’re always changing.

Children develop massively during their years just before and during primary school. As adults we’re used to being able to read, write, think and interact socially but the children that we teach are in the process of learning those things.

Even in a single group there is a huge variation in what children can and cannot do.

Sometimes that’s purely down to age, sometimes due to the opportunities, they have at home to learn, sometimes because they have a specific learning difficulty.

So, we need to pitch things at different levels in order to include all the children. That’s what educationalists call differentiation and is a skill that takes time for us to develop.

So…what can children do?

Let’s start with SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT and COMMUNICATION.

When the children first come into our 2-4 year old group they’re usually able to speak and they’re certainly able to argue with other children when they both want a toy. That’s important to know because they often haven’t learned to share.

So if you work with 2-4 year olds you may find yourself needing to teach them some strategies – like “How about you play with it for a little while and then we’ll let him play with it?”

You’ll also notice that their play tends to be solitary or what we call parallel. They will play alongside other children on the same activity but they don’t often interact much.

Therefore, team games don’t really work well with this age group. And even pass the parcel needs some close management to ensure the children pass to each other.

Once they get into the 5-7 year group they’ve started to learn to play with each other and can enjoy games.

Boys especially develop the skills of playing in teams earlier than girls. Girls on the other hand usually develop their skills of verbal communication more quickly.

So, with 5-7 year olds it’s much easier to use games – however, you’ll notice that some children, especially the younger ones will say they don’t want to play. That’s partly because they’re used to parallel or solitary play rather than interacting with other children.

Do your best to encourage them to join in. Otherwise other children might start to opt out as well.

By the time they get to age 7-11 they’re much more capable of team games and thoroughly enjoy them. Some will get quite competitive and they have a much greater sense of fairness, so they’ll be much more likely to be OK if they’re ‘out’ than they would have done in aged 5-7.

The 7-11s are also much more able to discuss and are learning to see each other’s point of view.

Next, READING.

There is so much that we do that expects children to be confident readers. So what can they do at what age?

Well, aged 2-4 haven’t yet learned to read. Some have been taught some words at home or some letter sounds, but if you work with 2-4s you should basically assume that you can’t use visual aids or activities that expect them to read.

The vast majority of children start to read in their first year of school. Most of the time they do so by learning to read using phonics. That means the sounds of the letters or combinations of letters.

So, if you’re asking a 4-7 yr old to write something and you’re spelling it out then get into the habit of using the letter sounds, not the names of the captials.

So, a b c d e etc…plus things like ‘ch’ and ‘sh’., not A B C D E… Their reading develops very quickly in school years 1 and 2 (that’s 6-7yrs old)

By the time they reach age 7 most children can read from a Children’s Bible.

So, if you’re expecting children to read a Bible verse, for example, use a very clear font – ideal ones are Comic Sans or Century Gothic – and use at least 14 point…and more like 16 or 18 for reception age children.

Please please don’t use captials only- use sentence case – in other words lower case letters except for when capitals are required for names, places, start of sentence etc.

Capital letters are much more difficult for children to read. Now, these are huge generalizations. Some children achieve far above these levels…but averages being averages that means that some children achieve at much lower levels.

But we’re not there to teach them to read. So if a child is struggling with their reading we need to find ways of helping them to access the Bible passage that don’t require them to read well.

That’s another reason why interaction and visual aids are so important.

And with WRITING it’s a similar story:

Writing skills develop rapidly during their time in our group for 4-7 year olds. They come into that group only being able probably to write their name and leave able to write details about their experiences.

Finally how does their THINKING develop?

Well, the most important thing to note is that the 2-7 year olds have what we call concrete thinking. That means that they understand language literally and find figurative language very difficult to understand.

By the time they reach the top end of the 7-11 group they are more able to understand figurative language.

So, if you tell those younger children a parable such as the Parable of the Sower and then ask them what it’s about they’ll probably say “Birds. Stones. Weeds. Seeds and a farmer.” They’ve understood it literally and need real help in seeing that it’s about how people respond to the truth of the gospel.

An older child is much more likely to think conceptually and be able to spot the connections and see how people’s faith can be strangled by materialistic weeds, or how the devil can be like a bird and snatch the seed away before it germinates.

As adults we see these connections much more easily…but children don’t.

So, work hard to make those connections for them. The other implication of this is that we need to be careful of using figurative language that often comes naturally to us.

The obvious one to avoid is “Asking Jesus into your heart” which means very little to a primary-aged child. Saying something like “Asking Jesus to be your friend and king” or “savior and King” is much more ‘concrete’ and useful. And much more scriptural.

Now, the Bible contains lots of figurative language. So it’s not that we don’t teach those passages – but we do need to be aware of how a child thinks and help them to make the connections.

It’s also worth saying that younger children love fictional stories and as they hear from you about Jesus will often confuse Him with some of the characters they meet in books and films etc.

Don’t worry about that. They’re just gradually making sense of the world. Just keep teaching them about Jesus the King of everything and encouraging them to put their faith in Him.

So there we have it- some pointers about SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT AND COMMUNICATIONS, READING AND WRITING, and THINKING to keep help you understand what a child can do at each stage. Let’s pray that we can tailor our children’s ministry to get the most out of our time with them.

The question many church leaders have is, “how can we find and keep motivated and reliable volunteers?”

Two key words there – motivated AND reliable. We’re trying to get people involved but millennials are too flaky and they’re not reliable and they’re not motivated and that goes for every generation, of course,

There are six motivation ideas that I have to keep people motivated and also to keep them reliable and before we jump into those, it’s important to note that there’s only so much that you can control.

We are concerned with personal responsibility and finding individuals that exercise it.

It’s just better for your default state to always be taking responsibility for everything but you can also recognize that it takes two to tango and there’s another person in this dance of volunteering and as much as you implement these ideas for motivation that we’re going to talk about, there’s only so much that you control, so don’t beat yourself up too much.

We all want people in our church to volunteer who are motivated so we don’t have to drag them along but, even when they are motivated, do they wanna go where we’re going to?

And we want to know that they’re reliable so that when we actually hand that job over to them, we know that we can rely on them to do it and do it well. These are the people that church leaders dream of to volunteer in their church

There is a way to model this and actually create motivated and reliable volunteers who otherwise, you know, maybe not be volunteering at all and this is how.

When you send out that planning center invite, you want the confirm. – You want it real bad. – Not the decline.

Motivation idea number one, tell your volunteers exactly what you want them to do.

For example, if you’re looking for kids volunteers, don’t say something like we’re looking for kids volunteers who can give up their time. What you do wanna say is something like we’re looking for five kids volunteers who can volunteer for one Sunday each month from 10:30 a.m. until noon in this specific classroom.

The reason this motivation tactic is so powerful is that the way that you should not be doing this where you just say looking for kids volunteers who can give up their time, that’s a very open ended request with a lot of ambiguity and there’s this fear and reservation with people who have maybe given before and felt like they were taken advantage of.

This may lead them to think, “if I just sign up, I’m gonna be doing this every week forever and then I’ll never be able to get out.”

For the hearer when they’re sitting in the congregation, they’ll hear you say that on Sunday and maybe they’ve been burned before in a church and if you ask an ambiguous ask like that, they have room to assume maybe it’s gonna be like it was before. Maybe they will be serving every week and it is more of a commitment than they are ready to make.

But if you’re explicit with what you’re requiring of them, like in this example, once a month from 10:30 to noon in this room, this is what we’re looking for, then someone can hear that and say, “Oh yeah, I can do that, I can give up myself once a month, you know, sacrifice one week a month and volunteer in this room, I can do that.”

You will see more next steps taken at that call to action than if you were just to have that open-ended notice, “we’re looking for help.”

Motivation idea number two, demonstrate your own sacrifice.

Be sure no one outworks you. Let your volunteers see you do the same tasks you ask of them. When I managed restaurants, I worked the dinner rush at every position at least once a month. The crew saw me cook, run register, clean the dining area, do prep. They also saw me clean restrooms, mop floors.

Be the example in your ministry. Tackle each ministry job yourself often enough so your team knows you aren’t just delegating, you are doing.

Motivation idea number three, acknowledge jobs well done.

Another thing that I have learned because I expect things to be done and when they’re done I go yes, you did them. Yes, you did your job.

I’ve had to learn and continue to learn, when someone does something, I need to acknowledge them and say great job, you are contributing, thank you so much.

An easy thing that you can do, reaps big benefits when you do it.

Motivation idea number four, focus on progress and goals.

Churches can learn from this so much. You know that saying Sunday is just a day away or it’s Friday now but Sunday is coming.

That’s used in the resurrection weekend as a glorious thing but for those that serve in church, it is also somewhat terrifying because Sunday is always way sooner than you expect

If you’re not focusing your team of volunteers on an actual goal, it’s very difficult to motivate because nothing is being worked towards and it’s just always the same thing, same thing, same thing.

It’s important to have purpose.

• Why am I tearing down and setting up every single week?
• Why am I cleaning these toilets?
• Why am I stacking chairs?
• Why am I running sound?
• Why am I getting up at six o’clock to arrive at the church at six o’clock to do, run through and sound check?

You need to get people involved, here’s what we’re working towards: this month, this quarter, and this year. Take your goals and write them on your chalkboard wall, everyone sees them and every single month they say this is what we did well, this is what we didn’t and so there’s this kind of idea that we’re all moving towards something

You need to set this for your volunteers, it’s so much easier to get buy in when everyone knows you’re working towards something together.If you don’t set specific goals, you can’t track progress.

You’ll never know if you have forward motion without it. And if you can’t track forward motion and everyone can’t feel it, it just feels like you’re treading water.

Avoid the rut and treadmill feeling. It’s Sunday again, it was just Sunday and I’m still tired from last Sunday, I’m tired from the workweek, it’s Sunday, and we gotta set up, tear down, and do it all again next week, it just feels like treading water. It’s monotonous.

But to be able to see that forward motion because you set a goal is so helpful for the health of your team.

Motivation idea number five, admit mistakes.

Similarly to praising people and acknowledging a job well done or even just a job done, you, as the leader, need to be quick to admit your own mistakes no matter how small they may be.

I have found that empathy and motivation go hand in hand and you can create empathy, not purposefully, but it’s a byproduct if you are just willing to admit your own failures, being a little bit self-deprecating.

It’s so much easier to follow somebody who is self-centered and arrogant. Be willing and ready and quick to admit your own mistakes.

Motivation idea number six, the most important one, build a compelling narrative.

People wanna be a part of something important, unique and outstanding. We wanna be a part of something bigger and better than ourselves.

We say we’ve got the greatest story of all time and yet we can’t get motivated and reliable volunteers? There’s a disconnect there.

We have so many tools at our disposal in this generation that others didn’t. We have so many ways to communicate with church family, team members, and so many ways to share the message in the classroom.

Why do you do what you do? It’s not just to get through another Sunday. You need to develop your vision and goals and cast this vision to your team. When you get your team excited, when they see the goal and feel part of what you are doing, their excitement will spread throughout your church.

You will find it gets easier to get volunteers when the ones you have are excited to share what they are doing with others.

The first five things that I shared are mostly tactics and they will work but there’s a certain lifespan to them that can only work so well.

The most powerful thing that you can do is create and cast this compelling narrative because we all want to know that we’re a part of something bigger than us, contributing to something that’s gonna have eternal impact.

We actually have a great foundation to do it, now all we need is to actually do it.

It’s important to talk about how we can safeguard our children in our churches.

First we’ll consider how to do recruitment for children’s ministry teams and second we’ll look at 3 key aspects of our interaction with children. At our churches we’re entrusted with the care of many children at all sorts of events and we have a big responsibility to protect those children.

Sadly, children are vulnerable to physical, emotional and sexual harm in the very places where they should feel safe – at home, school and in groups and clubs. Particularly vulnerable are younger children and children with disabilities.

The scandals that have shocked us in recent years involved decades of abuse perpetrated by celebrities, respected doctors and senior leaders of organisations, including Christian churches.

There have been over 400 cases of sexual abuse reported in Independent Fundamental baptist churches (IFB) including abuse of both adults and children.

These prove that we cannot bury our heads in the sand.

In fact, the resistance of people within organisations to deal properly with abuse has resulted in many more children being abused…and for much longer.

And it’s not just an historical problem. Children are still being abused. In 2014 the NSPCC reported that

• About 50,000 calls are received by ChildLine from children in the Christmas period alone.
• They also receive about 18,000 calls annually concerning sexual abuse.
• 6,600 UK children were identified as needing protection from physical abuse.
• 130,000 UK children are living in households with a high risk of domestic abuse.
• And it’s estimated that as many as 1 in 20 UK children have been sexually abused. Over 90% of whom by someone they know.

And let’s not pretend that this couldn’t happen in churches or in nice Christian homes because, sadly, it does.

Keeping Children Safe.

We can do a number of things. Let’s look at the process of recruitment for children’s ministry teams and secondly our interaction with children.

First- recruitment.

When someone enquires about joining one of your teams, to work regularly with children, you should insist that they’ve been in regular attendance at church for at least a term. This just means that you get to know them.

Then interview people and explain what the role is about; finally ask the candidate to complete an application form and take up two references.

Anyone arriving at church with the intention of abusing children will probably be put off by these procedures.

Also, you may want to do a background check. What this does is to look through police records for any prosecutions for, or suspicions of, abuse of children.

For Internationals you may ask them to settle at church for longer – for a year; that’s because the background check system is much less reliable for people from abroad. Also, take up two references from their home church.

So… we’ve looked at recruitment- mainly the responsibility of church leaders. But my next point is relevant for all of us- our interactions with children.

And there are 3 key things to remember:

• Keep our actions public
• Keep our physical contact to a minimum
• Know what to do if a child discloses abuse

We’ll look at these in turn.

So first, we need to keep our actions public. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re alone with a single child. Or leave a fellow leader with a single child.

All of your groups should have at least two adults leading. And plan how you are going to do toilet trips with younger children (2-5 year olds).

What you need to do is make sure there’s enough leaders to do the toilet trip with two adults, and leave one or two to care for the remainder. If you don’t have enough leaders you might ask the child’s parent to step out of main church for a minute to help, or take all the children to the toilet if you’ve only got a handful.

All this is important to maintain accountability to each other and so minimize the risk of abuse or a false accusation.

Electronic communication (e.g. facebook or email) is another thing to give careful attention.

This is relevant for those working with older children. Remember that the principle is to keep it public – so make sure any contact is always copied to parents or other leaders, and avoid any over-friendly language

Second, keep physical contact to a minimum. Sometimes small children want to cuddle up to us or hold hands etc. At other times a child might need reassurance if they’ve been accidentally hurt during a game or activity.

There’s nothing wrong with that if it’s led by the child, but we must make sure we’re in full view of other leaders and look for a sensitive and early opportunity to end the physical contact.

And for older children and teens we should be avoiding physical contact, unless it’s a reassuring hand on a shoulder, or we need to prevent injury to them or someone else.

And third, we need to know what to do if a child discloses abuse, or we suspect that abuse is happening. This is crucial.

So, imagine the situation where a child trusts you enough to want to tell you that they’re being mistreated in some way, whether that’s through neglect, or physical, or emotional or sexual abuse.

What we do in that situation is really important.

Here’s a 5-point plan, the initial letters of which spell TRAMS to make it easier to remember.

1. Take it seriously. Listen carefully to what the child has to say, and take it seriously, even if a well-respected church member is implicated.
2. Reassure them that they’ve done the right thing, but don’t promise to keep it a secret, even if a child asks you to. There are two types of secrets – Good secrets are about birthday presents and fun surprises; Bad secrets are when someone is being hurt. And we can’t keep that secret.
3. Ask questions to clarify, so that you’re clear about the key facts. But ask reflecting questions-don’t ask leading questions. So, for example let’s imagine that a child says to you that someone in the church has been doing bad things to them. A damaging leading question would be, ‘Oh, is that Reverend Smith?’ Please don’t lead them where they weren’t intending to go. Instead, ask something clarifying like, ‘I see. Would you like to tell me more?’
4. Makes notes straight after the discussion, including dates, times and names etc.
5. Seek help. You must pass it on. We’re not qualified or experienced enough to handle these things.

In your church you need to have designated people with the training to deal with them. In your church meeting rooms you can place child safety cards, usually near the door. On those put the names and numbers of people to contact if you have any concerns about the safety of the children in our care.

It’s important to report what you’ve been told only to one of these designated people. If we tell others then it quickly becomes damaging gossip. And if parents or church leaders or congregation or even one of the people on that contact list are implicated then please don’t tell them.

Seek help if you suspect that abuse is happening, even if it’s not been disclosed to you.

The sad thing is that the vast majority of children who suffer abuse do so at the hands of people they know in the home or elsewhere.

And the recent scandals have highlighted how abusers have continued unchecked for years because the children are reluctant to tell someone and because people won’t believe that that respectable person could be capable of such a thing.

This side of heaven sin is a reality and so we need to believe that people are capable of abusing children.

That way you will report abuse if it’s disclosed to you. After all, the best way to protect the reputation of the church is to protect the children.

So there we have it. We’ve looked at keeping our children safe regarding recruitment for children’s ministry teams and 3 key aspects of our interaction with children. I hope that’s been helpful.